My little
girl is four but I have never even heard her talk!
THOUSANDS of
distraught dads have flooded The Sun with tales of their desperate battles to
see their kids this Christmas.
Yesterday Sir Bob
Geldof kicked off The Sun's Justice For Dads campaign when he told of his past
pain at having to spend festive seasons without his children.
His moving words
struck a chord with other lonely dads who have only "access" to their kids after
separation – or no contact at all.
Up to four in
ten dads lose contact with their kids within two years of separating from their
wives.
Now The Sun and
other campaigners want fathers to be given equal rights.
Here MARTIN PHILLIPS
reveals two of the most moving stories from fathers banned from seeing their
sons and daughters.
* Names have
been changed to protect the identity of the children.
CHRISTMAS, this
year, will bring only tears and misery for dad John Evans.
His four-year-old
daughter may receive a visit from Father Christmas, but her real father cannot
go anywhere near her.
John, 33, is
not even allowed to send his little girl a Christmas card.
A court has banned
him from having any contact with his only child in case it depresses her mother,
who now hates her ex-partner so much she will not even let her daughter see
his photograph.
John has not
seen his child since November 2001. He no longer knows what she looks like and
has never heard her talk.
And there is
little prospect of him seeing her before she is 16.
The Child Support
Agency makes him pay £300 a month to his ex for the daughter he is not allowed
to know.
Computer engineer
John said: "I am happy to pay for my daughter. I want to play an active part
in her upbringing but have been cut out of her life.
"On her fourth
birthday I couldn't even send her a birthday card. This Christmas is going to
be torture for me."
John met Maria
in 1998 after she advertised in the personal column of an Essex newspaper.
Within three
months they were living together.
But their relationship
soured after she became pregnant that same year.
By the time of
the birth, they were getting on better and he was present when his daughter
was born.
He said: "I was
over the moon. She is still the best thing in my life."
But the rows
got worse and he eventually walked out on them. When he went back to talk to
his partner, police officers outside the house said there had been a complaint
of harassment.
As an unmarried
father, he had few rights. Only since December 1 have unmarried fathers qualified
for equal Parental Responsibility.
The legal change
means they are now treated in law as the child's parent and take equal responsibility
— provided they went to register the baby's birth with the mother.
John had to spend
£600 on solicitors to get an interim court order giving him access to his daughter
two Saturdays a month at a contact centre in Colchester.
John said: "They
are soulless places. As a father you feel like a criminal being allowed a prison
visit."
Maria became
abusive during the visits and once tried to rip the film out of his camera,
though he did manage to get one photo of his daughter, which he now treasures.
After more court
hearings Maria agreed to a court recommendation to have therapy, but then refused
to co-operate with social workers.
Chelmsford County
Court threatened to punish Maria if she did not allow John access to their daughter
as agreed, but then decided to stop John's contact instead because the effect
it had on Maria was thought not in the child's best interests.
He was allowed
to send gifts and a letter to his daughter four times a year, but Maria ripped
them up.
Then a judge
banned John from indirect contact because it made Maria depressed.
The legal process
had cost John £12,500 and he had to sell his flat.
When he took
his case to the Appeal Court in May, representing himself and supported by Families
Need Fathers, Lord Justice Thorpe said it was "a tragedy for the child" and
he had "every sympathy" for John.
But he said he
had no legal power to overturn the total ban.
He said the court's
only power to force the mother to grant contact was to fine her or jail her
— which were not in the child's best interests — or to grant residence to John,
which he hadn't applied for.
Lord Justice
Thorpe urged politicians to study the case and said: "This case is illustrative
of the dilemma that the courts face and is as extreme as any I have encountered."
John added "I
was gob smacked. Why would I want to apply for residence and take my baby away
from her mother? I just want to see her. I thought I was going to get contact.
He adds, with
tears welling: "I have to be realistic. My daughter probably doesn't know who
I am by now.
"But one day
she will be old enough. She will come looking for me and I'll give her all her
letters, Christmas cards and presents then."
The gift DANIEL
JONES most wants for Christmas is to see his nine-year-old daughter Kate.
But he knows it will not happen.
His ex-wife hates
him too much and three years of battling through the family courts have failed
to get him any contact with his little girl.
This will be
the fourth Christmas spent apart and he fears the father-daughter bond is now
destroyed.
Fireman Daniel,
35, said: "My daughter says she does not want to see me.
"The court experts
say this is because she has been coached what to say by her mother. She is unable
to say why she doesn't want to see me."
Daniel will have
to make do with sending Kate just a Christmas card and present.
His nightmare
began in January 2000 when he and his wife separated after five years of marriage.
He said: "I continued
to have contact with my daughter until August, including overnight stays. But
my ex discovered that I had a new partner so she terminated my contact."
When he applied
for divorce in November 2000, his ex falsely accused him of sexual abuse against
his daughter.
Cops who interviewed
his daughter took no further action and advised the mother to seek psychiatric
help.
Daniel then began
years of having to go to court to see his daughter.
In March 2002,
Lady Justice Hale said the system had completely failed both Daniel and his
daughter and she put a penal notice on the mother, warning her to allow contact
or face punishment.
The mum withdrew
all allegations and offered Daniel contact with his daughter prior to the hearing.
At the High Court,
Mr Justice Hedley removed the penal notice "to give the mother a chance to act
sensibly", says Daniel.
The judge ordered
Daniel should have contact with his daughter for two hours every fortnight at
a contact centre.
The mother then
defied the order and in court her solicitor claimed Kate did not want to see
her dad.
Mr Justice Hedley
renewed the penal notice but when the mum refused Daniel contact, he had to
go back to court.
Mr Justice Hedley
said the order was unenforceable because he would not fine or jail the mother.
Instead, he removed
the contact order and granted Daniel only indirect contact.
He told the mother
the girl would resent her actions as she got older and suggested Daniel apply
for a "residence order".
Daniel said:
"The court-appointed guardian has said my application for residence would be
too disruptive to my daughter's life.
"The psychiatrist
has also dismissed my case. I stand no chance. All I've got to look forward
to is 12 more months of indirect contact."
The Sun has been
bombarded with faxes and e-mails from distraught dads denied access to their
children. Here is a selection:
JAMES:
"I won an appeal two years ago to see my son. But it is almost four years since
I saw my child and now the CSA are prosecuting me for a child that the courts
cannot get me to see. Fair? Just? No, British treatment of men."
R: "PRACTICALLY
every time I go to pick up my son, my ex-wife won't let him out and I have made
a 120-mile round trip for nothing and it has to go back to court."
IAN:
"PROTESTING fathers
on cranes is going to be the least of this society's problems if we do not get
50/50 equal parenting within a year."
SHAUN:
"I RANG my 12-year-old
daughter last New Year's Day to tell her how much I loved her. I have been punished
for that act by the judge who extended the ban on seeing my children. It has
been four years now — and sadly I am still counting."
JOHN:
"MY former wife
decided she wanted to split up in 2001. Since then I have been fighting a constant
battle for access to my daughter. My whole life has suffered. I have lost my
child, home and job and am on the edge of bankruptcy."
LEROY:
"I ALWAYS thought
the job of a court is to protect the interests of the child and that those interests
include a relationship with both parents. What I found was a system devoted
to protecting mothers at the expense of fathers and children."
GRAHAM:
" I LOST contact
with my children in 1991. That was because I was falsely accused of abuse —
a dirty trick sometimes used to end contact between a father and his kids."
BRIAN:
"A MOTHER can make
up any old story about a father and the courts and the legal system will believe
her and support her in preventing the father seeing his children."
MATTHEW:
" I HAVE
given my ex-wife our £120,000 house and have to live with my parents so I
can afford my weekly £60 maintenance payments.
Now The Sun and other
campaigners want fathers to be given equal rights!
NOW tell us your stories. E-mail featurea@the-sun.co.uk or fax 020 7782 4063
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