Can you keep your
kids' lives together when your marriage comes apart? There are about 174,000 divorces in the UK annually affecting
nearly half a million kids, YES --half a million kids . Sometimes, the
warring adults are so occupied with finances or revenge, they forget that
the third party -- the kids -- who are going through the divorce,
too.
"Focus on Children" Among the key points"
Kids are typically emotionally distraught and often feel they are
to blame for the break-up. Boys tend to act more aggressively, with
common signs being yelling or disobeying teachers. Girls might
withdraw, seem excessively tired or have crying episodes. Children
may revert to bedwetting or thumb sucking.
Parents shouldn't expect children to sympathize with their grief
-- it's natural for kids to primarily think about themselves. Older
children may worry more about what their friends at school may think
of them being from a "broken home."
Don't argue in front of the children because, research shows,
unmanaged conflict can emotionally damage them. Do not criticize the
other parent to the children -- kids intellectually process such
attacks as criticism of themselves.
Arrangements for Parenting Time
Joint or shared parenting does not always mean equal time with
the child. "Research shows that Children need to spend a minimum of
30% with the non-resident parent, anything below this target would
be detrimental and certainly not be in the best interests of
child/ren.
Typical contact arrangements should mean alternating weekends, a
midweek evening during the school year, split holidays and exclusive
holiday time. Kids are not allowed to dictate contact. Kids'
extracurricular activities do not come before a parent's right to
contact.
Never expect the family court judge to solve all the problems:
The system is clogged and confusing, with UK judges making all sorts
of different decisions in relation to children, Their task made more
difficult with no set parental guild lines or timetable for contact
arrangements for children after separation or divorce.
Perhaps a few 'Solutions'
All parents after separation or partnership break-down should
have a legal right of shared parenting to their child/ren where
there are no serious issues regarding safety
A free to all mediation service where each parent can be enforced
by law to attend. Qualified officers would be appointed to accompany
each parent to a family court to appear before a judge within a week
after separation to discuss immediate contact arrangements for the
child/ren. Judgement of a suitable parenting plan would:
Minimise the emotional effects on the children and parents.
Save on the massive costs/time of future court proceedings
with pointless litigation.
The Massive costs saved from these services would be used to
train more mediators and judges
The use of third party legal offices such as Solicitors or
Cafcass [Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service] ect,
who are criticised even by judges of making relations between
separated parents even worse would be abolished completely in
child/ren contact cases.
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