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Parents to think of the Children

May 16, 2005

Can you keep your kids' lives together when your marriage comes apart? There are about 174,000 divorces in the UK annually affecting nearly half a million kids, YES --half a million kids . Sometimes, the warring adults are so occupied with finances or revenge, they forget that the third party -- the kids --  who are going through the divorce, too.

"Focus on Children" Among the key points"

Kids are typically emotionally distraught and often feel they are to blame for the break-up. Boys tend to act more aggressively, with common signs being yelling or disobeying teachers. Girls might withdraw, seem excessively tired or have crying episodes. Children may revert to bedwetting or thumb sucking.

Parents shouldn't expect children to sympathize with their grief -- it's natural for kids to primarily think about themselves. Older children may worry more about what their friends at school may think of them being from a "broken home."

Don't argue in front of the children because, research shows, unmanaged conflict can emotionally damage them. Do not criticize the other parent to the children -- kids intellectually process such attacks as criticism of themselves.

Arrangements for Parenting Time

Joint or shared parenting does not always mean equal time with the child. "Research shows that Children need to spend a minimum of 30% with the non-resident parent, anything below this target would be detrimental and  certainly not be in the best interests of child/ren.

Typical contact arrangements should mean alternating weekends, a midweek evening during the school year, split holidays and exclusive holiday time. Kids are not allowed to dictate contact. Kids' extracurricular activities do not come before a parent's right to contact.

Never expect the family court judge to solve all the problems: The system is clogged and confusing, with UK judges making all sorts of different decisions in relation to children, Their task made more difficult with no set parental guild lines or timetable for contact arrangements for children after separation or divorce.

Perhaps a few 'Solutions'

All parents after separation or partnership break-down should have a legal right of shared parenting to their child/ren where there are no serious issues regarding safety

A free to all mediation service where each parent can be enforced by law to attend. Qualified officers would be appointed to accompany each parent to a family court to appear before a judge within a week after separation to discuss immediate contact arrangements for the child/ren. Judgement of a suitable parenting plan would:

1. Minimise the emotional effects on the children and parents.
2. Save on the massive costs/time of future court proceedings with pointless litigation.
3. The Massive costs saved from these services would be used to train more mediators and judges

The use of third party legal offices such as Solicitors or Cafcass [Children and Family Court Advisory Support Service] ect, who are criticised even by judges of making relations between separated parents even worse would be abolished completely in child/ren contact cases.