My story starts in
September 1995 when I gave birth to my son. I instantly fell
in love with him. I could not take my eyes off him for a
moment.
I felt like the
proudest mother on earth. He was perfect in everyway.
He was such a pleasant & good
baby. He was less than 3 months old when he started sleeping
in his cot right the way through the night. I had hardly any
problems with him while he was teething. He had a good
appetite & soon developed a love of vegetables. I felt
like I was the luckiest mother alive & had the perfect
child.
In 1997, I was offered my own flat.
At first, I was worried because I had recently been diagnosed as
having epilepsy. What would I do if I had a fit? I rang
social services. They helped me make sure I was getting the
right benefits & that the flat was safe & secure for both my
son & me.
Fortunately, there were no real problems
until my son was 14 months old. Within 2 weeks of his MMR, I
noticed some real changes in him. He became withdrawn &
very hyperactive. I tried my best to deal with it but found it
hard. I asked the doctor for some help. Maybe there was
something wrong with my son. “It’s a phase all children go
through,” I was told. “It’ll get better when he starts
playgroup & can burn off some of that energy” was my
answer. However, it did not get better. I asked Social
Services for help again. The got us a place in a Social
Services run day nursery where I would receive practical help in
dealing with my sons problems.
September 2000, weeks before his
5th birthday, he started “big school”, a local primary
school. At the end of the third day I was called over by his
teacher who uttered the words I knew were coming “I’m really
concerned about his behaviour” she said.
We both agreed that there was something
wrong with this child. He was not stupid by any means; in
fact, he was a very bright child who had some very erratic
behaviour. From that point on my quest to get him assessed
intensified.
March 2002 saw my son diagnosed with an
Autistic Spectrum Disorder. He had Asperger Syndrome. I
felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I ran
from the consultant’s room into the waiting room where he sat with
my mother. With a huge smile on my face, I told her “He IS
Autistic”. It took a while for it to sink in but at last, we
had an answer. It had not been a phase & I had been right
all along!
A few months later another
revelation. I was told I had ADHD. I was almost 27
years. With this & my son’s diagnosis, I suddenly gained a
newfound confidence. The reason why he was so demanding was
because he had a problem. The reason why I found it difficult
to deal with at times was because I had a problem.
Naturally, I told Social Services.
Their response startled me. They told me how I couldn’t
possibly have ADHD as its not a life long disorder! I wonder
where they got their medical qualifications that put them in a
position to dispute the diagnosis of a qualified
psychiatrist!
Life was going well. I’d met a new
partner who tried to support me & my son as best he could.
Then at the age of seven, my son told me he was hearing
voices. He even told a CPN that these voices told him to hurt
himself & to kill his mother & they came to him in the form
of a devil & an angel. He was referred to a child
psychiatrist. I attended alone with my son. I needed
answers & made the mistake of asking this psychiatrist what were
the chances that my son had Infantile Schizophrenia. He
laughed this off saying that children his age do not have
schizophrenia & that one possibility was ADHD &/or
Epilepsy. Although I was not too sure about this, I could see
how it may be the case. After all, I have both ADHD &
Epilepsy.
June 2003 I noticed a red rash down my
son’s back, chest, & arms. I quickly checked it was not
anything serious. It looked like the same rash he gets anyway
due to hay fever. I gave him antihistamines, kept his skin
moistened & treated any scratches. I made sure the school
were aware of how I was treating him. However, for Social
Services this was not enough. They insisted I take him to the
doctor. I did not see the point. I knew what it was
& how to treat it & apart from him continually scratching
the rash itself was getting better. On top of that, my son
does not like attending the doctor surgery as he gets very bored
& frustrated & this leads to him kicking off. Not only
is this distressing for me but also my son & the other
patients. However, at the continual harassment of the Social
Services I rang the doctor. They did not have any appointment
slots available but I was welcome to take him there & wait to be
seen. I was not happy with this. More phone calls from
SS & I was getting really upset & angry. Therefore, I
rang my local hospital. They agreed for me to take him
there. Within an hour, he was seen. I was promptly told
that I had done exactly what they would have advised!
Finally, I got them off my back. I
could get on with my life once again. 11 weeks after I had
last heard from them I found out I was pregnant. Naturally, I
told my son who happily told his teacher. 4 weeks later I had
a visit. A strategy meeting had been called & held & a
Child Protection Conference had been called. I was being
accused of Emotional Abuse! At the time I had a friend with
me. She told them how she had never heard anything so
ridiculous. I loved my son & that was evident to anyone
who cared to look. That meant nothing.
Therefore, that was it. His name
was put on the Child Protection Register. The following
morning I had a very heavy heart as the bus collected him from
school. Would I see him again that day or even ever. You
see I had to attend court as the Local Authority had also applied
for a Care Order recommending my son to be fostered.
The Interim care Order was granted &
my son was placed ½ a mile away with my grandmother. At first
they tried to restrict my contact to 6 hours a week but my solicitor
managed to get them to agree to flexible, but supervised
visits.
I cried bitterly for days. I had to
get out of the area, as I could not stand it. I couldn’t even
go in his room, let alone tidy it. I went to stay with my
partner at his home in a neighbouring county.
The next few months were a constant blur
of meetings with social services, my solicitor, & court
hearings. As hard as it was I tried to keep calm for the sake
of my unborn baby.
I had to be assessed for Munchausen
Syndrome By Proxy. My own psychiatrist (of almost 12 months)
laughed at the possibility & promptly told the Local Authority
so. Yet, I still had to see another psychiatrist who was an
expert. Needless to say the Local Authority was not to happy
when she wrote back saying she agreed with my
psychiatrist!
Then in March 2004, my daughter was born
2 months early weighing less than 3lbs. I could not believe
what was happening. I still maintain that if I had not been
subjected to such high level of stress I would have gone full
term. Fortunately, my daughter fought back & has grown
into a happy healthy toddler.
Naturally, my main concern was that THEY
were going to try to take her. In the end it was agreed,
somewhat reluctantly, that if I underwent an intense 8-week in house
assessment I could come home with the baby. If it meant
keeping at least one child then I would do it. When my
daughter was 7 weeks old, she came home. 4 hours later there
was a knock at the door. One of the workers responsible for
taking my son stood there with two other workers. The
assessment started there & then!
I kept it together & things were
going really well. The feedback I was getting was really
positive until 4 weeks into the assessment. My daughter had
not taken a whole feed all day, was tired & sleepy, & when
she was awake did nothing but cry. I phoned for a
doctor. An hour later I was still waiting when the last worker
of the day turned up. He agreed to get us to the
hospital. So, I rang the doctor & cancelled the call out
& we were off.
First, I was told it was possibly
gastroenteritis. Then another consultant asked me, this time
in front of one of the SS workers, if there was any history of
Coeliacs Disease. Other than my son having a lactose
intolerance when he was younger, there was nothing. They
decided it looked like Reflux. Therefore, they would try
treating her for Reflux. If that had no effect then tests
would be run. They also advised I reduced the amount of
formula I gave her.
We were home 2 days later. The
Neonatal Outreach nurse called out to see us & weigh the
baby. She could not understand why the local hospital (not the
one she came from where my daughter had been treated) had reduced
her feeding. She said it was obvious my daughter was hungry
& told me to increase the amounts again. However when the
baby was weighed she had lost weight…. 1.5oz. She told me not
to worry as it was due to the restricted feeding regime. She
wrote this down in my notes & her own.
The next thing I know I got SS on my
doorstep telling me that they did not believe I was feeding the baby
at night! I showed them what the nurse had said but they
turned their heads away! If I did not want them to take my
daughter there & then I had but one option…to accept overnight
assessment! I was furious & tried to argue against it but
I could see I was getting nowhere & so reluctantly, I
agreed.
The assessment finally finished after12
weeks (instead of the 8 weeks I was told it would last) & I no
longer had to put up with care workers, assessors & social
services continually turning up at all times of the day &
night.
In addition, I was allowed unsupervised
contact with my son. Then I was allowed him one night a
week. A month later this was increased to 3 nights to include
weekends. At last, it seemed to be going my way. October
2004 the overnight visits increased again to 4 nights a
week.
Then I was told about a family who would
provide respite as my son was still with my grandmother who, due to
her age & ill health was finding caring for my son harder &
harder. I was told if I was not happy with the arrangement, I
could call it off.
That was February this year. In
March, we were back in court for the final hearing. The SS
made it a condition that my son was to remain in respite for 3
nights a week or he would be removed altogether. Fortunately,
their attempts to remove my daughter & have her adopted all
failed.
Now I just have to plod along.
There is nothing I can do for 6 months. At that point, I can
apply for a discharge of the Care Orders.
Now I’m on a mission. I can prove
the Local Authority have broken the Children’s Act 1989 by
continually making decisions without first talking to me. They
are also infringing on my right to a private life (Human Rights Act
1998) by telling me I have to attend the local Sure Start centre at
least twice a week. So come August I can make an application
to have the Orders discharged. Then as soon as I have that
& my son is back permanently I am taking my story to the papers
& anyone else prepared to listen.
What gives these people the right to
destroy families like this? Most of the time the people who
start proceeding are unqualified & all they want is to work
their way up the promotion ladder, attain their quotas for children
in adoptive & foster care. There is no consideration given
to the effect the separation has on the children or other family
members. Their actions are nothing short of
criminal.
Please
contact
P4p with your letters/comments to forward to the
writer.
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