Graham Thorpe on Family Courts
Graham Thorpe is not an
archetypal political activist. Quiet, unassuming and hindered by an ever
so slight lisp, he hardly seems one to be making a public
stand.
The donning of a black armband in a crucial
World Cup match would simply not be Thorpe's thing. But get him on
the subject of family law in the UK and he is transformed.
Passionate, knowledgeable and very angry, Graham Thorpe has
clear views on how the family courts treat fathers when parents
battle over the custody of their children.
The action group Fathers 4 Justice recently
gained a swathe of publicity with protestors climbing bridges
dressed as superheroes, fictional not cricketing, to highlight their
cause. The group is arguing for a change in parental law that will
give fathers and grandparents rights of access to see their
children. Thorpe is a keen watcher of events.
His own
family courts are painful and he knows to his cost how a father can
be denied having a relationship with his children. Since his divorce
from Nicky, Thorpe has had only brief contact with his children
Henry and Amelia. Fathers 4 Justice have found their most
high-profile supporter. "I don't blame these guys who are climbing
bridges and protesting about fathers rights," he says.
"They know
the law doesn't really work. It works if both parties get on well
but that doesn't always happen. If the mother wants to stop the
father having a relationship with the children, then you have got
big problems. You can go to court and she can say in front of the
judge that she won't do it again – until the next time, that is.
I've had two birthdays, Father's Day and Christmas all ruined. I
would arrange to see the kids and then I'm told no. It's sad
because, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't do it."
Thorpe's problems have long been public knowledge and before
he left to tour the West Indies he was again in the headlines. A
Boxing Day fracas with his ex-wife's new partner ended with Surrey
police being called. He finds it hard to contain his anger and his
voice drops to a barely audible level as he relives the incident.
"All I was asking was for five minutes with them while they
opened their presents," he says. "I spoke to Henry on the phone in
Sri Lanka and he said `I'll see you on Boxing Day' but I go round
and can't see them. On Boxing Day some other bloke, who my wife ran
off with, was telling me that I can't see my children and to get off
a property that I paid five hundred grand for. What's that about? I
hope that one day she will see what she has done and put the
children through. I don't want it to affect them, which is why I
take the stress.
"Henry is seven and it must be hurting him.
I still gave them the Christmas presents even though I haven't seen
them for two months. I left them on the drive. I don't even know if
they opened them."
In his younger days he was uneasy
speaking in public – perhaps he was self-conscious about his lisp –
but now he speaks freely of his personal life and has become a happy
interviewee. Maybe he finds interviews cathartic. "It's all in the
papers. It would be nice for my children to grow up knowing that
Daddy is an England player. One day when they're older they will be
able to see that at least it didn't all end on that shitty day at
Lord's against India. They'll know that I did care, that I came home
from India, that I gave up touring, that I did everything I could.
I've learned a lot through this. I won't let anything affect me."
Thorpe's experiences have changed him. His awareness of
others has heightened – he now asks how things are in your life –
and perhaps the hard times have helped him gain a new maturity.
Whatever the outcome he has certainly learned about life away from
the cricketing bubble. Before the tour to the Caribbean he enjoyed a
lengthy holiday in Thailand with his new girlfriend Amanda, visiting
her family in Bangkok and travelling off the beaten track.
"You get only one crack at life and, when I was down for
that year, I realised I might not come out of it. I'm not the only
person who has gone through it but it is a scary feeling when you
have gone through so much and you think there is no way out. All my
time and energy went into my private life and everyone told me I was
doing the wrong thing and I should move on but it took me a good
year and a half for that to sink in. You have to get to a happier
place. Life is not as straightforward as you think but now I have
reached that happier place."
That happier place even
includes touring. The pain of splitting with his family for six
months of the year effectively ended his marriage but with a settled
place in the England middle order he is a smiling member of the
touring party in the Caribbean. He has fitted in to Michael
Vaughan's fitter and leaner cricketing model and the modern-day
play, travel, play tours are to his liking...
Full Story...
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