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Christopher
Also Christopher's poem entitled "Spirit of the Age" "My wife left suddenly, without warning 5 days after the birth of our son whilst I was in work. In retrospect, she planned it with the help of her mother and even fabricated an argument to make me feel it was entirely my fault."'
They took my children over a hundred miles away. I never had a marriage; my wife and her mother were always "an item". After just becoming a new father I became extremely ill and tried every way to stay in touch. They told me I had to send them money and only allowed me to see the children for a few hours a month. I went to my solicitor to get better access. It actually took a total of 4 years to eventually get to a full court hearing. Because the initial hearings were going my way she started making allegations to Social Services, who put my daughter in front of a camera. At the same time I moved house and job to live near the children. One morning as I was just about to go to work I was arrested by two policemen and put in a cell in local Police station. Later that day they photographed me, finger printed me and interrogated me using recording equipment, accusing me of sexual child abuse of my daughter. Since my wife had left I had never had even one single unsupervised access visit!!! Whilst we were married she did not think I was a child abuser and if she did believe this, then why would she choose to have children with me in the first place? She left just days after the birth of our son and in retrospect used me just as a Sperm donor and a monthly check. I was also interrogated by social services and ALL contact with my children stopped for over 6 months During the months of interrogations, a official at the social services tried to incriminate me with things like, "The sooner you tell us that you abused your children the sooner you will be able to see them again" Also, "if you just admit that you did it then we can help you". I broke down in tears crying, “I never did anything to them, I am just in court trying to get to see them. I moved house and jobs just to be near them so that I can see them”, but It made no difference to the social services. They even accused me of saying my daughter was a pretty girl. At the same time my daughter was put in front of a camera at age just 3 years 10months and encouraged to say, "my dad tickled me and made me hot." The event they were trying to use was when my daughter was wrestling with me on the settee, fully clothed, with their mother in the chair 5ft away watching us. Nothing was happening, but she claimed this was sexual abuse! In my opinion my wife's family are guilty of the most horrifying mental child abuse, and used the very institution that was supposed to be there to protect them to do untold and on going harm to our family. Eventually, I was allowed to see them again, now at various access centers. A new feminist social worker was put on our case, who was utterly biased against me from the start. In the full court hearing this social worker told the court that in her opinion I should have supervised access. I think they had all decided that they should just do whatever my ex-wife wanted, because she was causing so much trouble and so many complaints about every imaginable thing. We went to court under A District Judge and it went badly for me, I was extremely emotionally weak. I had lost all my money and had recently lost my job due to a breakdown over the false allegations. Her barrister was an MP. At that point I just wanted it over now, I had no one to support me. I no longer believed that any access of this type was ever going to give me the kind of relationship that I had had with my own parents. It was now four years since she left and despite the full court hearing I was still only allowed access at contact centers once a month for 4 hours. About the same time as the hearing they moved yet again to S to make it even more difficult to see them regularly. For many years I travelled miles to a access center watching all the other young children come and go as their cases were resolved, but my supervised access just went on and on. About two years after the full court hearing I remarried and we have since had two wonderful, lively boys, now 6 years and 8 years. A few years later when my new wife asked if the children could come and visit us at home for a few hours my ex-wife started repeating her fantasies, things which I can only see as a malicious attempt to damage our new marriage, warning her "woman to woman" and “God blessed you not to have daughters”. She truly is that malevolent a human being, and it is utterly astonishing to me that she believes herself to be so very religious and have the highest moral standards." Although my wife believes my ex-wife to be malicious and psychotic, at the time, with a newborn, she was extremely upset by her accusations. At this point we decided to leave the UK in absolute disgust at the way our family and I had being treated by all parties involved, first to Sweden and some years later to Canada. Before leaving the UK I bought my children a computer, but I still only get an email two or three times a year, and they have asked not to hear my side of the story. Now they are adults, I have waited patiently hoping that they might want to try to get to know me for themselves and tell me that they do not believe her ridiculous accusations, but so far they have not shown much interest and they continue to be very loyal to their mother and her fantasies. I have now been happily married for 12 years and there was never any child abuse of my children or any others who visit. I have not seen my children now for about 5 years. Last year when my mother was very ill I asked if they could visit us in Wales at the same time. They agreed, but the day before I left Canada, they telephoned to say they had changed their minds. Despite my daughter now being nearly 18, they still seem convinced that I have waited all these years just to be able to harm them in some way, although their excuse was she couldn't get time off from a part time job, not even once in five years. A few months later after I again asked, their mother took them to see my ill mother in Wales for the first time. Apparently my children are now such nervous people that all three ended up sleeping in the same bed because they were so frightened. This has been the language of their mother throughout, she is an extremely frightened person, of life, of everything, and it has rubbed off terribly on my children. They have also even been nervous of using public transport. Over the years I have spent a great deal of effort trying to understand he mindset of my ex-wife and her family. I am not entirely convinced that their motive was based on fear, but on a selfish, malicious desire to raise the children to be exactly like themselves. My family are teachers, engineers, independent and adventurous, theirs are religious, superstitious, bound by tradition and have a large matriarchal family all living close by. They set out to remove every influence from my side of the family and have instead created literally identical copies of my ex-wife and closely control every aspect of their lives. They resemble my ex-wife so closely that I now find it difficult to come to terms with all the opposing emotions, due to the extreme revulsion that I have for her. All the institutions aligned themselves with my wife and made it possible for her to carry out this horrendous crime against all humanity. Now I turn my back on my country and its flawed, corrupt, decadent and backward society, which treats fathers in such a bewildering way.
Shortly after the cancelled visit I sent a MP an email (see below).
To Member of Parliament My Ex-partners barrister was an MP In 1993, you represented my x-partner Y when I tried unsuccessfully to get reasonable rights of access to my children R and D. I lost the case because I did not know how to defend against the dishonorable tactics that my ex-wife and her family were prepared to use to cut me off from our children. I remarried and now have two children, who are not abused; surely proof enough that I am not an abuser and we all now live in Canada. Now that R and D are 17 and 15, last Christmas, I asked if they could come and visit my very old and ill mother in Wales for the first time when I went to visit her. Everything was arranged and I made the flight only to find that my ex-wife had changed her mind and were not now going to permit the visit, which upset us all greatly They did however visit my mother a few months later and I learnt that R, D and their mother were very frightened even staying there. So the reason why I am writing was to let you know how you had helped give my ex-wife the opportunity to raise our children to be unable to stand on their own two feet. People are going to war as young adults and my children, are unable to visit their grandmother without their mother.
One important reason why I left the UK was that I felt my country had badly let down my children and family at our time of need. My whole fair complaint was totally swept aside and instead the focus placed on her lies and malicious accusations and I would like to inform the judge and all the other participants who contributed to that trial of the consequences of their decisions so that no other families have to suffer a lifetime of injustice and pain as my family and children have.
Thank you Chris -------------------------------------------------- December
2005 Update
My daughter talked with my wife and said that they would like to stay in touch, however this Christmas we had no telephone calls or replies to my email. She told my wife that it has always been R, D and their mother and it always will be R, D and their mother, undoubtedly their mother's words and influence.
My daughter describes herself as being inseparable, from her mother, like two halves of an apple, which I also found a very strange thing to say.
I really hope she is able to find some distance before she gets married for everyone's sake. I was very pleased to hear from both my son and daughter that they do not believe that I have or would have abused them, which is very important to me. As for the future, I still have no idea what relationship I have or will ever have with them
Best Wishes Email: Chris -------------------------------------------------- Of Interest:
Chris God bless, Dr. Kluge in Maryland, USA Dr. Kluge Thanks for your kind reply, as you say, even if I can build a parental relationship with my children it can never make up for what was lost. It is too late, but I hope that it will be possible to make a change so that other, future generations do not have to suffer in this way. The only thing I can think of is to create a Register of shame that publicly lists the names of all who those who attempt to stop the other parent seeing their children. I had never heard of such a thing until it happened to me, perhaps I was naive, but people do need to be made aware of what some truly sick people are prepared to do. These people perpetrate the worst mental abuse that could possible be done to children, to split and alienate them from their own families. I would very much like to set up a permanent online list of parents, like my Ex-wife, who have abused their children by alienating them from their other parent. A permanent list with easy online access could be a powerful deterrent to others who are considering this course of action in the future if they were quite rightly vilified in the public domain. Very best
wishes -------------------------------------------------- Chris Sorry to here your story Man! I have taken social services to court in the past and won the case! Now I am in my second court action against them and it is going well. The case is back in the RCJ, Strand, London this month. I do not enjoy taking authority to court, i would just rather live a simple life BUT it would appear that this has been my fate. I wish others would stand up also and be counted, as I am not the only one who has been abused by state power BUT I realise that not all can. Have you seen my website? http://freddy-oneill Freddy O'Neil Thanks
Freddy, --------------------------------------------------
Chris After working on
a help lines for many years I’m afraid to say this sort of story is
not uncommon. I know of one case where the son is now in his early
30s and still will not visit or phone his father and there has been
no abuse allegation. Unfortunately, that particular father put his
life 'on hold', thinking things would right themselves and his son
would see the light once he was21, or 25, or 28 etc, etc,
etc. A poem by Chris
"Spirit of the
Age"
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