Thousands of
grandparents across Britain are being denied access to their
grandchildren.
A change in the law in the late 1980s meant people no longer had any automatic
right to see their children’s offspring.
But after more than a decade of frustration, one woman from Telford has decided
to take on the law.
Pam Wilson has formed the Grandparents' Action Group to help people win back
what was once a natural right.
Inside Out meets Pam and other
campaigners who claim that grandparents have an important role to play in the
upbringing of children. We also learn about the devastating
effect separation can have when we meet the woman who has spent her life's
savings on a lengthy legal battle to win access to her grandchildren.
My name is
Pamela Wilson ( Pam ) I started the group in May 2000 I set up the help line
to give support to grandparents experiencing the trauma of loss of contact or
the possibility of losing contact. It became apparent that more was needed as
the group began to grow that Family Law was not working for the family the most
important members of the family being the children they were the real victims of
contact issues. I felt that grandparents too were the victims of discrimination
because we have no functioning rights in family law we have an option “Leave to
Apply” which means we have to get permission from court to apply for a contact
order.
The
Shropshire Star - Keeping family contact going
The storybook
image of grandparents is wonderful — and thankfully for many children remains
a reality. Comfy, loving granny giving goodies and cuddles in generous measure
and a patient granddad teaching little skills, telling little tales,
organising little trips and absorbing young minds for hours.
And both, a safe haven to run to with no strings attached. But not any more,
not as a matter of course anyway. To many youngsters and families, that
picture of the part played by grandparents in their lives is pure fairytale.
Simply doesn’t, couldn’t happen. Not only because lifestyles have changed and
grandparents might be distant and certainly busy, but in many thousands of
cases because contact between them and their grandchildren simply doesn’t
exist.
It may have done, then when mum and dad split, so do the grandparents and
grandchildren, in their cases through no fault on either side. Happily many
families have preserved, value, cherish and often rely on steadfast help,
support and love from grandma and granddad.
But with so many fractured families, break-ups and divorce as the norm
increasingly, the most innocent and defenceless people in it all — the
children — are used by bitter partners as weapons.
And at the other end of the family, broken-hearted grandparents see
relationships with much-loved grandchildren simply snatched away.
It can be horrendous. With nothing in statute and little it seems, in
full-blooded government intention to see this change, people simply do not
know what to do. Which is why Telford grandmother Pam Wilson used her own
experience to set up Grandparents Action Group UK.
Nearly five years on and while “surprised and proud that we are still here”
Pam remains desperate to see something enshrined in law which would give
natural rights for contact between loving grandparents and their
grandchildren.
Thankfully, her own family situation is resolved and now she and her husband
regularly see their much loved, 11-year-old grand daughter. They helped bring
her up when their son and his partner were working.
Then came the awful emptiness when the younger couple split and granny and
granddad didn’t see the little girl for nearly three years.
Nightmare hardly sums it up! Pam, a former Star Woman of the Year finalist, is
desperate to help other grandparents and grandchildren to keep or regain their
closeness whatever is happening to others in the family.
In days when society so regrets that the lack of support can mean isolated
young families desperate for someone to turn to, it is such a tragedy when
people and support are there but are shunned.
While they would choose the route of love and care rather than be preaching
rights, Pam feels they have no option but to use the law. So seek a legal
“presumption for contact” with grandchildren and an equal and frequent share
in that contact. But she feels strongly that many of these pleas fall on deaf
government ears.
She has had better luck and support from some Opposition members but despite
the higher profile, still feels there is a long way to go before many
grandparents and their grandchildren may again enjoy the relationships they
all want.
This year Townswomen’s Guild members also debated the issue at their national
conference and Pam was invited to address local members before delegates cast
their votes.
As a result of discussing grandparents rights to see their grandchildren, and
especially the impact of decisions handed down by the courts and social
services, the TG movement with its 43,000 members, is also now lobbying the
government for change.
“The official figure is that a million children don’t see their grandparents,”
Pam says. But she adds: “I’d say there are three times that number, because
actually a lot of grandparents for fear of losing what bit of contact they do
have, are scared to say anything at all.”
Pam can also pinpoint tragic cases of these elderly relatives who die from
heart attacks which she believes are all too often caused by the stress and
heartache of a rift they never sought and don’t deserve.
She says: “I have spoken to well over 3,000 of them over four years and we are
making a bit of progress because I’ve been able to give them a bit of advice.
We have grandchildren themselves ringing as well.”
During those years, the problems of fractured families have hit the headlines
from several directions, not least the much publicised Fathers for Justice.
But Pam says: “While I can see their reasons, the way they did things hasn’t
helped our cause. If we don’t fight to get family life back on track, it’s
going to disappear from this country altogether.
“It is a safe and happy place to go to your grandparents but little children
have become a weapon and that’s part of the whole issue of family life.”
Once childhood has gone, there is no getting it back. What a tragedy that all
too often children and grandparents are so cruelly separated, victims of
somebody else’s feuding. Grandparents Action Group UK — 01952 582621, e-mail
gagjasper@aol.com If you have a
story to tell about loss of contact with grandchildren or grandparents, e-mail
s.tart@shropshirestar.co.uk
News Links:
BBC Health -
Becoming a grandparent
Grandparents Plus Support Groups
I am
working with many other groups mainly in the voluntary sector to reform Family
Law to include Grandparents and the recognition of valuable relationship we
share with beloved grand children. Anyone can call me anytime and I will help
where I can.
There is a message service if I
am not available just leave a name and number
I will get back to
you...........Just ask for Pam.
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